Now, while I doubt many will read that last, long, pointless entry, for those of you who did, I decided to give you a treat.
Be proud! Give yourselves a firm pat on the back!
Be happy! I’m going to give you a random societal rant!
Todays Topic: People who cannot (or should not) cook.
Now while I am, by no means, a world class chef, I can make my way around the kitchen and cook fairly decent meals for me and my family. What bothers me though, is finding out that people my age, and older, who claim they can take care of themselves, end up without the ability to cook anything that doesn’t require the sound of a DING at the end of the microwaves cycle.
I truly don’t understand how anyone living in a society of human beings cannot get the basics of cooking. Especially when all that requires is a little common sense. They always seem lost and confused, like animals completely out of their element. Most of them end up with their stoves only being used as a cigarette lighter, or the oven used as a filing cabinet (as strange as it sounds, I have ran into that more than once).
This not only vexes me, but I find myself wanting to help these people. And by help these people, of course I mean shout at them and beat them with a piece of raw meat until they get the concept of bringing water to a boil without scorching a pot or using the microwave!
Whats worse is, it’s not even lack of knowlege that allows for this to happen, lots of people have internet, duh. Or books (everyone should have at least one cookbook in their house, whether they know it or not, probalby came with a blender or toaster). And even then, they have Parents, or relatives that can at least tell you “Well, to boil water you do DOT DOT DOT.”
I’m going to go over a couple of basic rules that I’ve learned over the years:
1. PAY ATTENTION
1. PAY ATTENTION
2. IF YOU”RE READING THIS WITHOUT NOTICING HOW MANY TIMES I TOLD YOU TO PAY ATTENTION, YOU WEREN’T PAYING ATTENTION!
3. Add salt to TASTE, not to WEIGHT
4. Cumin is a privelage, not a right.
5. Garlic should be used for EVERYTHING!
6. A microwave is a tool, not a replacement for an oven.
7. You are a tool if you only know how to use a microwave.
8. Todd Mcfarlane is a tool.
9. To boil water, Take water (DUH) and heat to 225 degrees farenheit (or 100 degrees celvin you darn Euros!) , adding a pinch of salt (to lower boiling temperature) and a table spoon of salad oil (Thats Vegetable oil to us normal folk) to keep from boiling over. Pay attention to it. Then do what you want with it. Personally, I prefer to stand at the top of a turret and spill it down upon my enemies.
10. Todd Mcfarlane is a tool.
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I’m your host, Charlie Ros… I mean Mega. Thank you, and good night.