Merry Christmas, Slackasses!

Howdy everyone. Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah. You Kwanzaa people will get a holiday appropriate greeting when someone finally explains to me what the hell Kwanzaa is. Anyway, it’s Christmas time, and It’s been over a month since I’ve posted everything, but times, they have been hard. To make up for it, and as an excuse to sit on my ass all day watching movies, I’ve decided to do a List of my top 5 favorite holiday movies. Now, in order from Good to Greatest (as far as my opinion goes, that is) here they are!

NUMBAH 5: The Doctor Who Christmas Episodes.

Ah Geekdom, it is a very busty mistress. Doctor who does everythign right to please its fans. From Christmas with an invading alien race, To a random jaunt underground fighting a giant spider lady, with a woman in a wedding dress as a sidekick. You can’t really pick a single one without comparing the awesome moments to another one.

IV: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Ah, the classic christian themed tales about a round headed boy who gets crapped on at almost every turn, but still never gives up trying to fly his kite or kick that football.

A Charlie Brown Christmas brings all the classic themes of Charles Schultz’s beloved iconic character together with the touching story surrounding the Christmas season. With Linus’ ‘speech about the nativity, to Lucy’s christmas bitchy tendancies peeling back to show even she has a good heart when she helps repair Charlie Browns Christmas tree. Good stuff.

Something like this really speaks to even the hardened types, either bringing out that childish glee at showing everything usually turns out for the best, or that little bit of schadenfreude, where we enjoy watching Blockhead Charlie Brown’s continued failures.

Numero Tres: Die Hard.

Yipee Yi Ki Yay Mother Fucker. ’nuff said.

Ni: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

A piece of comedy gold, even if you’re watching it in the middle of summer. Filled with blunders, pratfalls, hijinks, and D’awww moments, truly something for anyone who isn’t a scrooge.

National Lmapoon took a step back from its regular, raunchy humor, and gave use a Family to love and laugh with while ejoying the holidays with them in a cartoonish blast as it chronicles Clark Griswalds attempts to make his familys Christmas as bright as possible (even going so far as to making his house visible from orbit), All the while being tormented by his parents and in-laws, crass yuppie neighbors, and his ever late Christmas bonus.

And now, for my all time Favorite Christmas movie of allll tiiiiiimmmmeeee! Ohhhhh Fuuuuuuddddgggeee… It’s a Christmas Story!

For those of you who arent aquianted with this movie, you’ve been stuck in a cave for the last 30 years. Considered to be SUCH a cult classic, that they play it for 24 hours straight every year on Christmas, and even having the DVD, I still watch it for that 24 hours.

Recounting the tales and anecdotes of Jean Shepard, who narrates the tale of 9-year-old Ralphie Parker and his journey through his trials, as he tries to convinve the powers that be (his parents, Santa Clause) to get him an “Official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.”

Narrated in a voice that would recollect War Stories, we watch as Ralphie fends off the school bully, giggle at his fathers profanities as he fights the good fight against the failing furnace, And scheme his way into getting past the ultimate, no BB gun defense “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

A story given to us in loving satire, making us all remember those times as children when the most important thing half way through November we would start plotting how to tell our parents what we wanted for the BIG DAY. The nonchalance, the trying to hide how you wanted something SO BAD, so to trick your parents that you really just wanted everyone to have a good holiday, all the while wringing your hands and plotting where you were going to put your shiny new bauble, and how you were going to lord it over all your peers. The embodiment of nostalgia for people of any generation, it surely will be loved for even more decades to come.

Well there it is. My list of holiday movies. I’m willing to take suggestions for other great ones, even fairly little known ones! May your holidays be Bright, may your turkeys and hams be cooked to perfection, may you get to be on a high-horse when you get something better than your siblings. Merry Christmas!

Mega

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